Finding Middle Ground in Your Life and Divorce

Apparently, Karma has a very different opinion of enough is enough and there are lessons yet to be learned and new perspectives each day, even after almost 22 years as a divorce lawyer. I am the child of divorce, a divorce survivor, a divorce attorney and now the sister of a soon-to-be divorced person. On the list of these somewhat unfortunate credentials, this one, on its surface, would seem the least traumatic of all. But she is my little sister, she was the tiniest casualty of my parents crumbled union, and I always felt a little like I have to watch out for her. Today, I can't fix her troubles by warming up a can of Spaghetti-O's and watching a Brady Bunch episode as I did when we were little. Nor can I really give my little sister legal advice. Well, technically, I can, but she would likely ignore my advice and do as she pleases just the same. I didn't represent myself in my own divorce. I doubt that I could be any more objective in my sister's divorce. Maybe, be...

Divorce is generally unpleasant. Oh sure, we all have that friend who sails through it with a smile on their face and a spring in their step, never exhibiting an outward moment of hesitation as they move through the divorce with an almost unicorn-like dignity and grace. Then there are the other 99.999 percent of us. I have been in the ugly tear-stained trenches of it all as my little one was ripped from my arms screaming for his Mommy. I have made some stupid mistakes, more than once. Sometimes I wonder if all the difficulties I have been through are the reason I am effective in this line of work. I promise I will not ask you to do something I haven't done before, and I really understand how you feel when you sit down in my office overwhelmed and in pain. Real, excruciating, pain that feels as if you have been punched in the gut. Not sleeping. Not eating. Feeling as if you are in a daze and as if all this is happening "to you" without any input, without any control. You...

In a perfect world you would have read the article   10 Ways to Stay the Hell Out of My Office , and you would not need me (oh, and I would win the lottery, travel the world and run my charitable foundation, but I digress). Alas, this is a wonderful, but less than perfect world and divorce lawyers are a necessary evil. Some marriages cannot and should not be saved. Some were never right to begin with, some are broken beyond repair, and some marriages have only one person holding its shattered pieces together with duct tape and chewing gum. The ending of your marriage is a beginning of a life full of love, but you have to get to the end first. Hopefully you will do it with the least amount of collateral damage possible. If not, you risk trading your child's hard-earned college funds or your retirement accounts for outrageous legal bills. I can tell you for certain, if I had to hire myself, I would be in big financial trouble. Long ago, when going through my own divorce even pa...

As a divorce attorney, practicing for 20 years, who has been through divorce myself (and is now happily remarried), a more peaceful divorce may be possible when people follow a few tips: 1. Accept the part you each played in the failure of the marriage .  It takes two, (even if the only fault was "picking the wrong partner for your needs"). 2.  Lower your expectations of each other .  If your spouse didn't do certain things WHILE you were married, don't expect it now.  You will only be disappointed and frustrated. 3.   Remember, once upon a time you loved this person .  What was it you loved?  Especially when there are children involved, let whatever you loved the most be your mantra when speaking about your spouse.  You will also look kinder to a new partner.  No exceptions to this rule, as children have big ears.  Your child is one-half of this person!  As my mother would say, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't sa...