Finding Middle Ground in Your Life and Divorce

How Not to Make your Lawyer Rich and Damage your Children. My mom used to say there is “enough love to go around” for her four children and, of course, the children of her ex-husband’s new wife and any other child who happened to be around, needing a reassuring hug or a boost of self-confidence.  That is the lesson I learned as a child of divorce.  What I see as an adult practicing primarily divorce litigation, is that in 20 years of doing this, there is one thing for certain, there has never been a case where a child has suffered from “too much love.” The everyday family law issues often include posturing as to who is the better parent, who is entitled to timesharing, when, where, and for how long, unfortunately with the curiously absent analysis of the best interests of the minor child.  Distress over the “he or she never did that when we were married” regarding the bathing, feeding, or general everyday caretaking, are all too often looked at with cynical judgm...

Marriage Advice from a Divorce Lawyer It is amazing that despite the fact we spend most of our lives either searching for love and companionship or being in a relationship, this is the one thing we are never really taught how to do.  Expectations and patterns are determined by the successful (and not so successful) relationships we see as children, on television, and by trial and error.  By the time you walk through the front door of my office, it is often too late.  And divorce sucks.  It’s expensive and emotionally devastating.  In 20 years of experience practicing law, I have often wondered why so many relationships fail.  The complaints I have heard over the years have similarities in what was “missing.”  Even when there is an affair, it is usually a symptom rather than a cause.  Did these people know the things about their partner that now drives them out the door before they got married?  (Most of the time the answer is yes)....

As a divorce attorney, practicing for 20 years, who has been through divorce myself (and is now happily remarried), a more peaceful divorce may be possible when people follow a few tips: 1. Accept the part you each played in the failure of the marriage .  It takes two, (even if the only fault was "picking the wrong partner for your needs"). 2.  Lower your expectations of each other .  If your spouse didn't do certain things WHILE you were married, don't expect it now.  You will only be disappointed and frustrated. 3.   Remember, once upon a time you loved this person .  What was it you loved?  Especially when there are children involved, let whatever you loved the most be your mantra when speaking about your spouse.  You will also look kinder to a new partner.  No exceptions to this rule, as children have big ears.  Your child is one-half of this person!  As my mother would say, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't sa...